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My Exchange with D.L. Hughley About the Word “Retarded”

My Exchange with D.L. Hughley About the Word “Retarded”

Have you ever seen the comedy special Reset starring comedian D.L. Hughley? I watched it today. During the last segment of the special, I was offended and disturbed to hear him use the word “retarded” to refer to his son who has Aspergers. My heart sank even further as the audience cracked up laughing. The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth. As a mom of a son with autism, I am offended and rightfully so.

As the closing credits rolled, I was still upset and decided to log on to twitter to let Hughley know how I felt. This is how our exchange went:

DL1 DL2 DL3 DL4 DL5 DL6 DL7 DL8 DL9 DL10 DL11

When someone uses derogatory words to describe people with disabilities, it hurts. I was even more baffled by the fact that this word was being used by a parent toward his own child. Some may think that Hughley has a right to call his child whatever he wants.  I know I have a right to stop supporting someone who uses derogatory words to describe people with special needs in his public performances. The sad truth is that Hughley is not the first media personality to do this and he won’t be the last.

I have listened to Hughley since he was the host of Comic View on BET. I went to see him when he did the Kings of Comedy Tour. Today he has lost a fan. Like he said, he will live and so will I.

Before I leave, I want to leave you with the The Spread the Word to End the Word campaign. Click here to learn more about the campaign to end the use of the hurtful word, retarded.

What are your thoughts on the use of the r-word? What would you have said to D.L. Hughley? Please share. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Miz Kp

angelautismDLpic

 

Miz Kp
Written by Miz Kp

59 Comment responses

  1. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    I think you handled this perfectly. So many of our kids get made fun of with that very word. It’s painful that he is encouraging people to do the same. He can of course use whatever words he wants to use with his son. I just feel bad that the kid has to hear it. Good for you, Miz.

    Reply

    • Avatar
      January 05, 2013

      Thank you. The audience reaction made it even worse. The battle continues.

      Reply

  2. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    I think that it is highly appropriate for me to make the first remark. D.L. Hughley, what you have done is no different than others who use the term retard against other people. It really shows how ignorant you are to even fathom the thought that words do not leave a mark on a STRONG MAN when actually words of derogatory nature historically can break down anyone in private or public. I would be interested in hearing how your son would react if he knew how passionate parents like myself would react when special needs people are wrongfully bullied, attacked, labelled or embarassed by the words and actions of others. Mr. Hughley, you need to be a man and own up to your faults and not be so ignorant about this issue. We have a right to not like you or not support you, but not wrongfully humiliate, bully or disrespect you. What you have done is profoundly disrespectful and I hope you can become a better person from this situation. Oh, and not worrying about not giving a sh@@ about what others think will really ….well……you lost one fan and maybe more!

    Reply

  3. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    I can’t believe he cursed at you. His tv show wasn’t really that good and he is not that funny. Shaking my head.

    Reply

  4. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    I’m so proud of you for standing up to him, and disappointed in his response. I think I’ll send him a tweet myself :)

    Reply

    • Avatar
      January 05, 2013

      Thank you and that is a good idea.

      Reply

  5. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    I’m so proud of the way you handled this so called “comic”. I’ve never found him funny so I won’t watch this show. I guess he has to make a living somehow, even at the expense of his son. He’s fooling himself if he doesn’t think his son will be negatively affected by this, I just hope the boys’ mother is giving him the respect he deserves. If this is the way he talks to his son on a daily basis, he should get a visit from child protection services. Congratulations for standing up for your son and being such a strong advocate for him.

    Reply

  6. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    Ummm, he just lost another fan, bc how dare he use the r word. how dare he think it ok, and how dare he be so cold! I’m proud of you for standing up for our kiddos!!!

    Reply

  7. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    He’s just ignorant. Maybe when he thinks about it, he’ll consider learning why it’s not appropriate. Hopefully…

    Reply

  8. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    I’m so disheartened to hear this happened, Miz. You handled it with such grace and diplomacy. You should be proud. You gave him the chance to at least acknowledge your feelings on the word and he cuoldn’t even do that much. I’m glad you called him out on your blog. I’m sure he’ll lose many more fans because of his actions, but the worst part is that he still does not see the detriment he is causing to his son and to society.

    Reply

  9. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    Wow! What a piece of work. I think we should all tweet him and tell him what a piece of crap he is!

    Reply

  10. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    Dude. He’s clearly an ASSHAT of EPIC proportions.
    You’re clearly a class act that not only cares about her own son, but all special needs individuals. Thank you for speaking up for our families, our children, and our adult children. You are my hero today.

    Reply

  11. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    I can’t say that I was ever really a fan of his to begin with, but he has lost my respect as a person. And though, it may be true that he could care less right now about whether or not I respect him, but it will matter to him one day.

    As a parent of two kids with autism, I work hard to make sure that they are respected in their environments and the community. And that includes me acting in such a way that I earn respect from others as well.

    It saddens me that Mr Hughley takes this so lightly and full of arrogance. It also saddens me to know that his son (or any person with a disability) has to accept hearing that they are “retarded” when they are not.
    In fact, by definition, the word retard means the following: a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way.

    So I would like to ask Mr Hughley, do you think your son is any of those words?
    Do you think he’s stupid? How about obtuse?
    Or wait….are you willing to say Mr Hughley that your son is ineffective in any way?

    I can answer that my children are none of these. I respect them, and love them. And I’ll never be afraid to stand up for them.

    Reply

  12. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    I think what you did was wonderful.I have never heard of him coming from Australia but he sounds quite unsuccessful using his son to get one cheap laugh. sad isn’t it! His career must be coming to an end and he is giving it one last shot.

    Reply

  13. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    As the parent of a 31 year old Autistic man, I applaud you. You voiced your opinion and your disappointment in his use of the word that everyone wishes would just go away. As a man, he should have accepted your opinion and moved on. There was no need to curse and become combative. I have always been a fan of his and I won’t say that I will no longer be; however I won’t watch that particular show. I remember when Damon Wayans did his bit about the short bus and the retarded kids, I got so turned off I changed the channel and never watched anything with him in it again.

    Reply

  14. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    I applaud you. I don’t think he realizes that he is a bully. When people try to take up for the fact that they bully their own child, it’s no wonder why he could feel no remorse. If he didn’t care what you thought he wouldn’t have responded. He got called out and he couldn’t handle it. This is just one more reason, and ‘celebrity’ that deserves not to be supported.

    Reply

  15. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    Apparently this has been a part of his act for many years, there are disapproving comments dating back to 2009 for his use of the word. I hope the word can be spread further this time. Posts on DL Hughley’s Facebook page and tweets are starting to increase. His wife was involved in the “Colored My Mind” foundation which is a support group to provide support & help address issues parents of autistic children face, I would be interested to hear her take on this. I’m trying to be objective but there is just nothing funny or remotely acceptable about the use of the word retarded. And those offering dictionary translation to convince me that it’s really not such a bad word are missing the point. Use it in the workplace & HR will be having a discussion with you, same as school. It’s time to make this word obselete. Thanks Miz KP.

    Reply

  16. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    thanks for sharing your perspective with hughley. even if it provoked a defensive posture, he does need to hear from other parents like him who choose different adjectives to describe their autistic children…positive words that make their children feel good about themselves and their unique qualities. there are plenty of humorous aspects of raising an aspie that would draw laughs without denigrating his son. i hope his son really is as tough as he believes, because he will need a thick skin to survive his dads jokes. sorry for the lack of capitalization and apostrophes, but my shift key will not work on your blog via my mobile device.

    Reply

  17. Avatar
    January 05, 2013

    Well, that is the absolute saddest statement a professional performer could say to a person who is just pointing out a different view on his performance. WOW. He really needs some serious help! As a side note, my sister, who is a 45 y-o adult and born with mental challenges just went to the doctor for a check up and I peak at his notes which said, “diagnosis, mild retardation”. I was stunned to see that it is still a medical term used in today’s time!

    Reply

  18. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    How shameful that he would talk about his own child that way. I think you embarrassed him and he struck back, hopefully he will learn from your words. Apparently he doesn’t even know his own child enough to know when he hurts him. May God watch over him.

    Reply

  19. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    Miz Kp,

    With all due respect to your advocacy for those with autism, you mentioned in one of your tweets to DL that you laughed all through “Reset” until he used the word “retarded” to describe his son. So apparently, his N word use, Chinese, and gay nephew jokes are ok by you, but somehow “retarded” is total heresy? I find that to be very hypocritical–and lest you not forget, you said you laughed at everything else. DL is a comedian, and in the grand tradition of the greatest comedians, no one and no subject is spared. His son is now a college graduate with a 3.6 GPA–so apparently, his being called a “retard” in his dad’s comedy routine, has not affected him negatively too much. You also ignore that DL proudly proclaims in “Reset” that his son, out of all the men rich or poor that he knows, is the man he most admires. So apparently he is quite proud of his son and I will take that as a sign of how well he has raised this young man more than him being any kind of terrible person for calling him retarded in his comedy routine. His wife also produced an autism documentary. Learn more about DL before you attack and write an entire blog post about him. And examine your own hypocrisy and un-PC behavior in laughing at all his other jokes before you take him on for his “retard” references.You come across as quite holier-than-thou.

    Reply

    • Avatar
      January 06, 2013

      I did not say that I laughed at everything he said nor did I say I agreed with his entire act. I chose to tweet him about the part that bothered me the most. I was honest enough to let him know that I enjoyed his show up to a point. I also chose to write a blog post about it because I do consider myself to be an advocate for my son who has autism. I am familiar with D.L.’s work. I am familiar with the documentary that his wife is a part of that promotes autism awareness. None of this negates the fact that the word is a hurtful word. Just because I did not write or tweet about his use of the n word and the other issues you mention does not mean I am okay with it. I decided to pick my battles. I do not need you to tell me what to examine. You defend someone who could care less. He already told me that he does not give a shit what I think. He is not the least bothered by any of this. Go back and read the tweets. No where did I write that I laughed All Through Reset. You are also in no position to state what effect this word has had on Hughley’s son based on his GPA and achievements in college. Like I said in my post, some may say he has a right to say what he wants about his son. True indeed. I stand by my words and my decision to not support him.

      Reply

    • Avatar
      January 06, 2013

      In response to Tammy Brown: If you carefully examine the whole situation, you will realize that Miz Kp addressed a situation without attacking Mr. Hughley at the risk of receiving backlash. I am somewhat disturbed that you would imply that Miz Kp was ok with other jokes mentioned and that Miz Kp comes across as “quite holier than thou”. In response to your opinion, I will say that Miz Kp is a humble human being and a wonderful mom who voluntarily chose a lifelong journey to increase autism awareness. It has become apparent that Mr. Hughley appears very ignorant and arrogant when it concerns the handling of such a sensitive matter. Imagine you were in the place of Mr. Hughley for a second and you were a parent of a special needs or autistic son or daughter. All variables considered, would YOU have made mention of your autistic or special needs child as “retarded” or a “retard” in the public eye as he has? You do not have to answer this question to me or anyone else, but answer it for yourself and you can truly justify why you would and why you would not. This whole issue here is not addressing the gay comments or the N-word as mentioned in the showing, but Miz Kp and I and others do have major issue with the N-word and anti-gay comments or gay discrimination. The whole issue is about Mr. Hughley addressing his son as retarded in the public eye for all to hear, whether it is comedy or not. A man of his stature should have handled that previous exchange concerning the comments with Miz Kp in a better matter and he didnt, and it made me feel like another public figure dropped the ball.

      Ms. Brown, I will acknowledge you and thank you for sharing your words for us all to hear. I will also caution that we all have to learn from the mistakes and mishaps of others in order to be better people in society. Anyone on the receiving end of such remarks and discriminatory comments does not deserve to be the recipient of such, regardless of where it is coming from or how well they were brought up. It is wrong, hurtful and disrespectful to many and it can do irreparable damage. Mr. Hughley’s son may or may not seem phased by the remarks ( I cannot confirm or deny his stand on the matter), but this does not mean that it does not bother him or has not bothered him or has not created irreversible damage. I will end this note with one question for you and others: For Mr. Hughley to say ” I dont give a shit what you think”, how would you feel if the comments came from someone else, the derogatory subject matter was different and you actually followed the person because you were a loyal fan?

      Reply

    • Avatar
      January 07, 2013

      I agree with you Tammy. First of all, its comedy and what some people find funny may be totally un-funny to others. There is power in using provacative words. There are entire books filled studying this and an entire way of thinking around words like this. That if we claim them, that if we stop reacting so harshly to their use, their power lessens.

      This is true in the gay community with the use of the word “faggot.” Dan Savage used to insist that folks write to him using,
      “Dear Faggot.” It is used within the community as a way of reclaiming the word. It is similar in the way that its okay for black people to use the “N” word. It is not okay for those outside that group to use the word. In this instance, DL claimed the word in the same way he uses the n-word… he has earned the right to use it. Those outside of the realm, they don’t get to use it. They used the word to create hurt, to harm. Here, DL clearly wasn’t using the word to hurt or harm. Do I like the word? No. Do I use any of the words I’ve included here? No. But that doesn’t give me the right to police the entire world over their word choice. Expecially not when it was spoken by a has-been comedian for sure.

      DL, while never funny to me, has spent many, many years advocating and donating for autism research. The person you see on the stage is a CHARACTER. He is portraying someone. You may not like that character. You may choose to turn it off and not listen. But to presume that comedian should re-write his act over a word you don’t like is self-centered at best.

      Personally, I find this guy entirely offensive all the time so I don’t listen to him. That said, I would never in a million years tell anyone what words to use or not to use.

      DL made his fortune by being offensive, so to suddenly wake up to this fact is kind of silly. Have you not heard his comedy before? Or that horrible tv show? How about Rodney Dangerfield? Richard Pryor? Eddie Murphy? All wildly successful comedians because they make us laugh at ourselves, even the most painful parts. That’s what certain comedians do. Leave them to it. Seriously. Butt out, change the channel, find a Seinfeld or Cosby type of comedian and leave the rest of us to our laughs.

      Reply

      • Avatar
        January 07, 2013

        Jenn C., I totally agree with everything you said in your post and its the most level-headed one yet amongst all the knee-jerk reactions. It’s comedy and the best comedians have always been offensive. If you don’t like it, then go watch something else.

        Reply

        • Avatar
          January 07, 2013

          @Dan Cipili Nobody chooses to watch a program knowing that certain people would be grossly offended. The cowardice choice of words came not at the beginning, but closer to the end. When you say if you dont like it, then go watch something else, THIS ATTITUDE IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. Miz Kp reacted by commenting toward Mr. Hughley and susbequently stopped being a fan. There is no rightful place for this behavior at all. He mentioned this about his son in public, are you out of your mind, Dan? Seriously? You know what though? As long as comments like this are shared worldwide, there will always be unresolved conflict at the poor expense of innocent people and you just supported a cowardice act, whether you saw it or decided to see something else!

          Reply

  20. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    His son has thanked him for always being supportive of him. That’s all I need to know. Judging from your reply to me, I stand by my comment that you are in fact, quite holier-than-thou. Even more so than I thought.

    Reply

  21. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    I always thought the word “retarded” was discusting. when my daufhter, diana, age 41 now, was little, my son Phil would come home from school upset because the kids on the bus would say to him “your sisters retarded”…….need I say any more. What u did was right Miz, u put him in his place and he “doesnt give a s&^%, he doesnt set a good example for others out there…..Good for u Miz….and thank u for sharing……. BTW this is in my new short story My Dreams, Challenges and Joys…..

    Reply

  22. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    Thank you for reaching out to him. His response was so disappointing. I will also send him a tweet.

    Reply

  23. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    Hearing an NT not only use a slur that doesn’t refer to him, but then presume that he knows exactly how offensive it is or isn’t to his son or anyone else, is disgusting and privileged. Thanks so much for confronting him.

    Reply

  24. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    Thank you for being a voice for so many! And shame on him. His ignorance is simply astounding. I think he’s lost many fans.

    Reply

  25. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    I talk about the power of words to people, staff and children all the time. Well done for representing.

    06 Jan 13
    Rhoni McFarlane (rhonimcfarlane) on Twitter
    more from twitter.com – Not Cached – Edit – Delete -Share▼- Preview
    @RealDLHughley As a teacher of students with spec needs I support my kids to break down ignorance. Pls think b4 u use the r word in public!

    Reply

  26. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    No excuse for using the r-word, tough people are the ones that are hurt by this word, what that man thinks people affected by slurs and bullying are? Weak? Show his ignorance since people that live being harmed by that word are stronger and tougher than him and his bigotry. It’s never okay to use slurs even if you think they don’t hurt, I also doubt his son would say he is hurt by it when being bullied with a slur and being told the only way to be a tough man is not feeling hurt. If my father used the r-word on me the emotinal pressure would be extreme, that would be true with any child, he made it clear that for his son to be a man and be tough he couldn’t be affected by this bullying. What child would disagree with his father after this? Parents have a lot of power, why do children of abusive parents love their parents and always go back to them? Because parents are powerful, you can say something harmful and your child pretends it’s okay just not to let you down.
    The use of the word was also public, even if his son feels nothing for some reason everyone else has access to this, other people can be hurt because of it.
    Any use of that word is wrong, if he had a daughter would he called her a slut and tell her to be tough too? What else would be allowed? It’s okay to judge this because slurs are always wrong.

    Reply

  27. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    While his choice of wording is offensive, what I most found most offensive was his attitude and response towards you, a fan. You were respectful, he was not. His fans are his livelihood. I never was a fan before and now I won’t be because of his treatment of you.

    Reply

  28. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    To assume that his son is ‘strong’ and wont react to the word… that is a shameful belief. People tend to break down worse when they have been too strong for too long… He is setting his son up for years of depression, self hatred and potential suicide attempts. For years I was thought of as strong because I took the abusive words my family used and ‘shrugged’ them off… it didn’t work out because I now live on anti-depressants and shame…

    Reply

  29. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    I’ve never seen his act. But to Tammy’s comment above: verbal disapproval of one particular aspect of someone’s ‘act’ doesn’t imply tacit approval of everything else in it. THIS particular issue is one near and dear to my heart and also the blog poster’s, hence the complaint.

    Regarding your handling of it, I think you were respectful and not particularly judgey…you know how we all hate being judged. Frankly I’m amazed he replied at all, being a superstar and all. But as we so often point out in the blogging community, being a ‘superstar’ does not mean you know the best way to handle autism or diplomacy. Mr. Hughley and Jenny McCarthy can go kiss random sailors on New Year’s Rockin’ eve but I’ll leave their spokespersonship for my daughter and kids like her to more qualified “adults”.

    Reply

    • Avatar
      January 06, 2013

      Bingo, Jim @ “verbal disapproval of one particular aspect of someone’s ‘act’ doesn’t imply tacit approval of everything else in it”.

      Reply

  30. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    Hmmm

    Well, at the risk of mountains of hatred and venom coming my direction, I think there may be a slight over-reaction here due to the usage of the word.

    If he used the word “retarded” to refer to his son, then technically he’s correct. The dictionary definition of the word is “to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.” which is correct as that is a very apt description of the condition.

    If he used the word “retard” or the word “retarded” in a derogatory way, then yeah, he’s well out of order and deserves whatever he gets. As someone in the public eye he should know better but that’s up to him, I guess.

    It’s similar to using the word black to describe someone or using the N-word (not going to type it out but you know the one I mean) in an insulting way. The word black is a fair description, just like I’m white, but it’s not insulting. The N-Word usually is.

    Personally, I’d rather spend my time explaining my point of view and educating people. I find that most people don’t realise that they are being insulting or derogatory when they use words like these and change their opinions. Ranting at them rarely works.

    And for the record, my son is Autistic, before the usual knee-jerk reactions happen and yes, I’ve had this discussion with people before, one of the girls where I work said it, I explained the difference and she was horrified and apologised. So, it can work :)

    Reply

    • Avatar
      January 06, 2013

      You can type the word ” retarded” but refuses to type the n-word, why if they are equally offensive?
      Those words should never be used, I don’t care if the medical establishment is too incompetent to notice we should change for intelectual disability.
      Black is one thing, n-word is another, black is just a characteristic, the r-word is insulting like the n-word, there is no difference except maybe ableism has less social respect than racism (not implying that people of color are better treated or worse).
      He was not correct because retarded doesn’t mean the same thing as in the past where is was just a medical term, meaning changes, why do you think intelectual disability is used today?
      The author os this post never ranted, he explained the word was offensive and got a defensive ableist reaction. I think the person knew the word was offensive, he just didn’t care about it, a lot of people don’t and there is no good use of it, if you call someone that it’s allways going to be offensive.

      Reply

  31. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    You did exactly the right thing, the thing that needed to be done: to stand up and speak up to those that hurt others with their words. Now he knows. And he will hear from us.

    Reply

  32. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    I would have told him… I wasn’t claiming to know what was hurtful to his son. What was said was hurtful to me and my family and many others. And it will be hurtful to my son when someone copies his behavior and calls my son retarded. His son may be a strong young man not hurt by words but word do hurt my son. My son as a result of his aspergers already suffers a great deal of depression and
    anxiety. He has been a constant victim of bullying. I do try to teach him to ignore the ignorance in the world. but i also try to eliminate it. I wish he would do the same.

    Reply

  33. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    Comedy has always used negativity to make others laugh & usually at the expense of others – someone somewhere will always be offended in one form or another (from the south, gay, autistic, blind, asian, short etc. It’s not right & it’s a terrible price for a laugh but is how the profession works. HOWEVER, to me what’s disturbing & getting lost in all this discussion is, we as parents of autistic children have an obligation to defend, educate & build their self-esteem in a world that sees them different. In no instance, can DL ‘calling’ his son “retarded” ever build self-confidence or educate. Like the blogger said it reinforces stereotypes that his son will likely have to defend himself to at some point in his life. And whether his son is an educated man with a well deserved gpa or his wife is part of an advocacy group, you don’t make fun of your children’s disabilities – it’s not good for them, it’s not good for us as a community. period.

    Reply

  34. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    Wonder if he would object to a white person calling him and his loved ones, niggers. After all, it’s just a word and I’m sure D.L. is a tough guy!

    Before folks go nuts, explain to me how a white person using nigger is any different from a neurotypical person using retarded? They’re both insulting and discriminatory, especially when uttered by a person that isn’t black or doesn’t have a learning disability.

    Reply

    • Avatar
      January 06, 2013

      @TheEvilEmpire I guess this part couldnt be avoided. You are 100% right when you say the retarded word and the N word is insulting and discriminatory. To answer your question, in my opinion, I think it is the same across the board whether the person is white or asian or black when they use the Nword, but I find it even more insulting when a black person uses it as a term of endearment or to make fun of or insult someone else. I am quick to put someone in their place when they use it towards me, but that’s another subject. However, if someone else thinks it is different when white people use the N-word term, then there may be another underlying issue beyond the race/gender card and the comments. Sad thing is, it is an opinion. My issue is that the level of ignorance has risen regarding the improper use of words and many famous people have gotten bad press, been forced to apologize, or even fired for using hurtful words against people. Even more disturbing, orientation, gender, disability and mental capacity has no color.
      Again, TheEvilEmpire, you make a wonderful point in mentioning this comment. Unfortunately, Mr. Hughley has a mouth and he says he can say whatever he wants (whether he is right or wrong), but at the end of the day, it is still discriminatory and hurtful. What a tough guy Mr. Hughley is……well, that is what he thinks@#$(^_&**_%&*&^*(

      Reply

  35. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    Miz KP, God bless you! I saw that special a while back and was offended by Mr. Hughley’s use of the r-word. As the parent of a child with ASD, it hurt my heart. I’m so proud of you for standing up to this jerk (his responses to your objections show him to be a class-A jerk). I understand Tweets have since been removed from his Timeline. Somebody’s listening. You may have started something worthy here. Thank you!!!

    Jack’s Mom

    Reply

    • Avatar
      January 07, 2013

      No you are wrong, he has not removed any tweets from his timeline. He has not said anything to be ashamed to remove. his family is his business. Take care of yours and dont worry about his.

      Reply

  36. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    I think it is great that you stood up. As the parent of an autistic child, I think it is a pity that a parent who has first hand experience with autism would choose to use the word that reinforces the idea that people with cognitive issues are something to be laughed at. I do think though it is not entirely fair to presume how this comedian’s son will be impacted by his dad using the r-word in his act though, there is no way we can know that and we shouldn’t assume we know. I’ve never been a fan of DL Hughley and now, thanks to this, I never need to watch his act or contribute to his financial well being. Thank you.

    Reply

  37. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    I am absolutely baffled by his response! And the fact that he would use his own son’s differences as a butt of his low class jokes to make people laugh at his and everyone else who has neuroatypicality’s expenses.

    Kudos to you, Miz Kp, for making sure he at least knows there are people who don’t find his crassness entertaining!

    Reply

  38. Avatar
    January 06, 2013

    It’s a shame he feels the need to use his son’s disability to get laughs. That’s a sign of a comic low on material and class.

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  39. Avatar
    January 07, 2013

    If you had bothered to do your research, you would have discovered that even though it aired this year, Reset was actually filmed nearly 2 years ago. DL does not even do that “retarded” bit in his current stand-up–I know because I’ve been to several of his live shows over the last year in California. And further, to present such a one-sided point of view of that bit in Reset is rather disingenius of you–why do you not mention for example, that he also declares that of all the men he knows in the world, DL says he admires his son the most–to me, that proud proclamation of his fatherly love negates any one or two references to “retarded”.

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  40. Avatar
    January 07, 2013

    Just a few short words from someone, who tries to understand all sides. I have read much of the feedback. I understand the idea that people may use shocking language to illicit laughter.
    I understand that gray area that comedians cross and how maybe only in that area are certain topics not made into a controversy for it lies in the realm of comedy. I am also aware of the artistry of language and interpretation: How one mother’s concern about a derogatory word can be manufactured and responded to by others as if it were a quest to policy language, which is not the case here.
    But more importantly, I think about the Golden Rule. TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED. Would you want someone calling your child a derogatory term used to describe a racial, behavioral or mental characteristic? I think we know what’s right and wrong if we abide by that Golden Rule.

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  41. Avatar
    January 07, 2013

    To Tammy Brown & those in the population who believe that it’s okay to demoralize individuals who may not be able to advocate for themselves: Everyone is entitled to their own opinion; however as a figure in the public eye, DL Hughley is reinforcing the negative stereotypes surrounding those with intellectual disabilities. DL Hughley has probably called his son a retard 100 times; however I am sure that if someone else called his son a retard, he would become extremely upset! Many in the public eye need to understand that they can have a positive or negative effect on the general public. For the mere fact that he made a joke calling his son a “retard”, many of his supporters may begin to use the word. This is how ignorance continues. There needs to be an end to ignorance. Tammy you made a point that his wife produced an Autism Documentary. So it’s safe to say that DL calling his son a “Retard” is counterintuitive to what his wife is promoting. DL’s message to the public whether he wants to believe it or not, is that it is okay to call this population “retards”!!! In many cases those with intellectual disabilities are not in a position to advocate for themselves, so we the rest of society, need to assist them in doing so. PS: I am sure that DL’s son has been hurt by the words of his father. You do not know personally how he has been affected. If you heard your parent calling you a retard beginning at a young age, especially in front of millions of people, it would have a profound negative impact on you. His son’s 3.6 GPA is irrelevant to the emotional impact of the word. Get it together people!!

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  42. Avatar
    January 07, 2013

    To Tammy, Jenn, and others above: there are several significant differences between using the N-word or derogatory terms to describe gay or other groups. First, as we all know, when a group decides it wants to use a term – for itself – they take ownership of that word. I know of no groups of people with intellectual or cognitive disabilities who have chosen to use the word to describe themselves.

    Second, many other minorities are able to defend themselves. I don’t mean to diminish anyone’s difficulties here, but the homosexual community can speak for itself. Many who are, as someone pointed out, technically “retarded,” are unable to do so.

    Third, it is inaccurate. People with Asperger’s are, by definition, NOT retarded. Most are, in fact, above average intelligence. Other people on the autism spectrum run the gamut from intellectually disabled to highly gifted.

    So while there is no accounting for taste, and yes, anyone can say anything they want and anyone can think it is funny, I applaud Miz Kp for speaking up, standing up for what is right, and helping to dispel the myths about people on the autism spectrum.

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  43. Avatar
    January 07, 2013

    Miz– thank you for taking a stand against a word that is neither appropriate or acceptable. It is outdated and no longer acceptable. There are those out there who may differ and they are within their right to do so. I would, however, kindly ask they reevaluate their stance and maybe see that what you are asking is to understand the word itself is equivalent to a slur. This is not an attack on a person but rather a polite request that people understand what it is they are saying.

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  44. Avatar
    January 07, 2013

    I don’t know D. L. Hughley, but with the way he dealt with you and how obstinate he was in using a disability slur, I don’t think I will want to ever know him. Good job, though, in handling pricks like him. You have my respect.

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  45. Avatar
    January 07, 2013

    Having read Miz Kp’s post and all the comments, it is apparent to me that the people bashing her for expressing her feelings to DL Hughley are really missing the point. Language isn’t offensive only if it offense *everyone*; it is offensive when it offends *someone.*

    Freedom of speech does NOT mean freedom to speak. As with any right, the right to express yourself is not without responsibility. Exercising your freedom of speech also means accepting the consequences of the impact your words have. Sometimes, that impact may not be what you intended. That doesn’t make the impact any less real for the person experiencing it.

    Let’s use an analogy that’s more tangible. You have a Second Amendment right to bear arms (guns). But, I think we can all readily accept that the right to own a gun does NOT give you a right to shoot anyone you please whenever you please. There are consequences – both legal and moral – the flow from taking another’s life.

    The same is true when you shoot off your mouth. Words can be weapons; they can scare, scar, cause pain, and bring death.

    So, yeah, DL Hughley has a First Amendment right to refer to his son as “retarded.” Personally, I find it morally reprehensible and do not understand why anyone would actually defend DL Hughley’s doing so. But, I don’t dispute his right to do so. Nor did Miz Kp for that matter. What she wanted DL Hughley to know is that his words hurt and why. He doesn’t have to agree, he can tell her he doesn’t give a shit. But, DL Hughley – as anyone else (and particularly someone else who has voluntarily put himself in the public eye [a condition not voluntarily accepted by his son, by the way]) – must accept that not everyone will agree with his words, find humor in his words, not take offense to his words, or not be injured by his words.

    If you’re still struggling to wrap your mind around this, ask yourself a simple question. Is a bullet lethal if it’s in a gun that’s not pointed at you or someone you love? Of course it is; it’s just not lethal *for you*. So, why would the word “retarded” as a descriptor not be offensive just because it wasn’t directed at you or someone you love?

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    • Avatar
      January 08, 2013

      Sustained.

      Reply

  46. Avatar
    January 07, 2013

    Hey Miz Kp. Great job standing up for yourself and for the casue. Just wanted to share this video clip with you. There has been some awareness concerning the R-word previously circulated. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v35FxUgFZQ4

    Reply

    • Avatar
      January 08, 2013

      Thank you. I appreciate it.

      Reply

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