Playing the Autism Card
Posted by Miz Kp on Dec 9, 2012 in Blog | 6 commentsTraveling after a major holiday is always hectic and this past Thanksgiving was no exception. When we arrived at the Greyhound Bus stop to begin our journey home, we were greeted by a mass of angry and impatient travelers. For a moment, I was paralyzed by the thought of having to wait in this environment with Angel. I was dreading the moment when he would attempt to bolt off into the crowd. I was just not in the mood to deal with that.
As we waited to board, my mom said, “You should play the Autism Card.” 
I knew what she meant but I still hesitated. I wondered if the bus supervisor would care. She seemed so stressed. I wondered if I should risk getting into a possible confrontation by asking her to make an allowance for us to board first. As these thoughts ran through my mind, the bus supervisor called all seniors and elderly travelers to board. I am far from being a senior but we joined my mom and walked toward the bus.
When we got to the entrance of the bus, the bus supervisor coldly stated that my mom could board but we had to wait. I told her that we were all together and she responded by saying it was up to us but only my mom could board. If it were up to her, we would have been sent back to the line. Before the situation could escalate, another Greyhound employee (her boss?) came by and told her to let us board. We all breathed sighs of relief. I wondered if playing the autism card would’ve helped. I guess I will never know.
Why did we consider playing the autism card in this situation? We did because social behaviors, such as waiting his turn in line do not come naturally to Angel. He does not understand why he has to wait and he just does not have the patience. I know some parents who have had to forfeit certain experiences because their child was unable to wait their turn. I also know parents who have played the autism card and they received a kind response from the other person. You just never know.
As a parent, it is my job to try and smooth over the bumps that Angel may come across as he navigates this world. Smoothing these bumps means that I have to tap into the shred of empathy that may exist in the people we meet. My mom has the right idea. I can do this by playing the autism card when necessary.
Disclaimer: Playing the autism card does not guarantee your desired result but it is worth a try. Someone could respond by saying, “So what? He still has to wait. My child is waiting.” Another person could respond by saying, “Go right ahead.”
When can you play the autism card?
1. While waiting in line with your child
Not every event or experience will be sensory-friendly or autism-friendly. Sometimes we will have no choice but to wait in line with our children. We stand in line at the grocery store, public restrooms, movie ticket counters, theme parks, and we even stand in line to board public transportation. Playing the autism card in situations like these MAY get you to the front of the line and as a result your family can have a pleasant experience.
2. Explaining your child’s behavior
Sometimes we come across people who do not understand why our children act the way they do. They may glare or make unkind comments to you when your child is having a meltdown or acting in ways that are deemed socially unacceptable. Playing the autism card can create a teachable moment to help others understand your child and autism in general. Think of it as a way to advocate for your child.
What do you do to help your child handle social situations, such as waiting in line? Please share your story. I look forward to hearing from you?
Sincerely,
Miz Kp
I am Miz Kp, the creator of Sailing Autistic Seas. My Web site is dedicated to my son "Angel" who is on the autism spectrum.
Playing the Autism Card is a legitimate move in this case. This is a cause to advocate with Greyhound or other carriers upfront. Greyhound asks about disability when one is purchasing tickets on line. Let’s ensure that Autism is covered! The best interests of the child should determine when the Autism Card is played.
Look forward to the views of others.
Musubah
It depends, at amusement parks we do it with some discretion. But for everything else, we just wait it out. My son is actually getting a little better at waiting.
I hope that one day Angel will get better at it. I hope we can take him to an amusement park one day soon.
I am a firm believer in the “Autism Card”. I know that waiting is a big issue with my son because he gets jittery, nervous and wants runs away. What immediately comes to mind is waiting to check-in at the airport. When he was younger and in a stroller it was much easier because he could sit and look at books and color and just be comfortable. He’s too big for a stroller now (age 6). During our last trip I made the mistake of booking an early flight and I must say that waiting for an hour with Nick at the Jetblue counter was agony, and if you’ve ever been to JFK airport, you know how much walking you have to do just to get to the gate. By the time we arrived at the gate, we were both exhausted. On our return trip, I made sure to ask for a wheelchair and I did get a look but I explained that although Nick is perfectly capable of walking, I just want the wheelchair to keep his calm and keep him from trying to get away. Not only was Nick able to keep calm but he was able to board the plane first and relax before the flight.
I also make sure to remind the receptionist at his pediatrician’s office of Nick’s diagnosis. He gets the earliest appointment possible and it works out well and he doesn’t get the other kids in the waiting room nervous.
Of course, there are situations where Nick just has to wait. We recently went to the Bronx Zoo and the line to one of the attractions was outrageous. We waiting about thirty minutes and when I saw that Nick was getting anxious – we just left. There were tons of kids waiting just like him and I don’t think it would have been fair to them to use the “Autism Card” at that time.
It can be tricky but it’s just knowing when to use it and not getting carried away.
It is great that you understand Nick’s needs and do what you have to so that life is comfortable for him when he goes out. I like your idea of getting early appointments at the pediatrician.
I would not expect each and everyone to be forgiving of my child’s behavior, but at the same time, I will remind people that my child has rights and privileges also like everyone else. I dont mind explaining my son’s condition, but at the same time, a child is a child is a child is a child. What I mean is that children’s behavior is always unpredictable, regardless of how they are trained or how they develop.
Then again, when you associate older people with society, one could suggest letting them go first or allow them to sit or hold the doors for them. Then you have handicapped people who have parking spaces reserved for them, lower teller windows at the bank, handicapped ramps and enlarged restrooms. Well, for children with autism, this kind of chivalry doesnt exist much. We actually should take this a step further and advocate special rights and privileges for autistic children. Autistic children and autistic adults share a common thing with the elderly and the handicapped: they all need special accommodations in order to be treated fairly with others